Who is Satan?

Who is Satan really?  He is not what the Judeo-Christian/Islamic says he is.  Satan is the true creator of man and the universe that man lives in.  Satan created man much like man is creating clones.  Through genetics and Satan's own sperm he created man in the image of the gods, and he created woman in the image of the goddesses.  Satan is the father, the king.  He is not red and runs around with a pitchfork or a tail.  He is perfect in every way.  His color is red, his number is 2, his day is Monday.  He does not lie, he will tell you the truth.  If you call on him for help he is always there ever willing and ready to help you.  He wants man to be prosperous and happy.  He wants us to be intelligent.  He tells us to question all things, and tells us that if we have any questions we may come unto him.  If we are unshure about what we see, read, or hear, then we may come unto him and he will give us the right answer or tell us if someone is telling the truth or not.  It is this organizations job to help you develop a relationship with the true creator, so you can talk to him yourself.  It is possible to talk to Satan face to face.

This is what Satan actually looks like.  Anyone who has seen him agrees that this is the closest image of the real Satan we could ever get.